Journal Entry October 21 (before school ended)

I have got just about everything graded for the year. The feeling is bittersweet, maybe more bitter than sweet (at least I can leave in a couple days and start my awesomely huge adventure in Mozambique). When I calculated the passing rate for my chemistry turmas this trimester I was... ashamed and angry. Turma C had a 6% passing rate. Turma A, my best class, had 48% and Turma B had 17%. At least when my pedagogical directors say something to me about the low passing rate in Turma C I can point to Turma A and say that at least when students study they can pass my class. There are a lot of reasons they didn't do well – it was kind of a perfect storm for failure. One reason is that I am totally new to teaching and I have no training. I make mistakes, I forget to cover material, I don't repeat some things enough. I probably don't realize most of what I do wrong.

Another reason is that my style of teaching is totally different from what they are used to. It is difficult to explain, but I am less concerned with what the right answer is and more concerned with why it is the right answer. In order to remember something you can use logic to figure it out. For example, here is a question on my ACP: “Which of these does not have an effect on the speed of a reaction? A) concentration B) conductibility C) surface area D) catalysts E) temperature.” The student can get the answer right if he memorized the list that should be in his notes, or he can remember why it is that each factor effects the speed of the reaction. In this way, if a student is good at memorizing they can do well in my class, but if he actually listens and internalizes what I say it should be easier. At least that's the idea. I have a feeling getting these students to respond correctly also depends heavily on the way you word the question. If you ask the same thing over and over they will eventually get it. However if you change it a bit they will get lost. But I refuse to ask them questions so well practiced they can regurgitate the answer. If they can't recognize a concept from a slightly different perspective that means they haven't learned it.

Another frustrating cause of the perfect storm of failure is that most of my students don't respect me in the way they do their Mozambican teachers. In a way, I can't blame them. After all, what would I have done my freshman year of high school if a young, foreign teacher came into my classroom the first day of class, hardly spoke English, and taught in a way different from my other teachers? I probably would've torn them apart. The last point is probably the most important. I teach so differently than their other teachers I have no doubt some students believe I don't know how to teach at all. In Turma C I was essentially a year-long substitute teacher. I'm just a weird mezungu (white person) who doesn't know the first thing about teaching.

It's interesting to think about why I wanted to teach in Mozambique from the start. I wanted to show that class could be interesting, and I wanted to show my students that questions could be based on logic rather than memorization. I wanted my students to think for themselves. Today I have the same hopes but I know they are so difficult they are largely unattainable. It is more complex than I had imagined. I can't just do things “my way” simply because I am the teacher. I am teaching Mozambican students, which means to some extent I have to do things “their way”. After years and years of the students being taught to regurgitate answers and copy, you can't expect to go into a class and ask a question which requires critical thinking. Well, you can, but they won't know it. I wanted to teach students to think by themselves, but, to be brutally honest, I think the school system is doing the exact opposite. I still think it's possible to work on critical thinking skills with students, but I don't know how. Worse, I want to do it without teaching for the top 10% of the class because the others simply do not have the mental tools.