Journal Entry 15 December

I woke up and the room was totally dark and silent. It was like being in a sensory deprivation chamber. Half awake, I laid there for a while, trying to figure out where I was. I was definitely in Mozambique: many times I have had the same disorienting feeling and my gut reaction is that I'm still a PCV in Africa. A couple weeks ago I had woken up with this feeling and I had figured out I was in Maputo, Mozambique, in the house of a friend who works in the U.S. Embassy. About a week later I had woken up and figured out that I was in Nicoadala, Mozambique, about 800 km to the north, underneath a mosquito net which was a crucial barrier between me and the multitude of bugs which had plagued the small town in the recent rainy days.

But now I was confused again, in the dark, and the answer wasn't coming to me. Somehow, suddenly, the light turned on, and I was instantly reminded that I was back “home” in Sussundenga, Mozambique, in my bed after a long vacation. I didn't understand how the light came back on by itself and, remembering Chris's story of how the electricity surged and made the light bulbs pop, I closed my eyes expecting a shower of shattered glass. The bulb didn't go out, however, and then I remembered I had fallen asleep with the light on and the electricity must have gone off and on.

My fan had fallen over and was on the floor in the off-position, which was strange because it had been on the dresser in the on-position when I had went to sleep. Maybe someone had placed it there? I looked around my room and beside me on the bed, but I was obviously alone. (The scene from “Ernest does Halloween” where the little girl checks under the bed for monsters and then rolls back onto bed only to find the monster lying next to her still haunts me.) The only explanation I can think of is that the fan lost balance when the power went out and fell without me waking up. I'm a pretty light sleeper though, so I'll file this mystery under “unsolved”.

I opened my door to go outside to take a whiz and found a thousand termite wings on my porch. The termites had been attracted to the porch light and, after flying around for a couple hours, dropped their wings and went to copulate and create a new colony, that is unless they were eaten by my dog first. (I'm too lazy to collect them in huge quantities but I eat them too – they are great slightly cooked with a bit of salt...) There was a thunderstorm in the distance and the familiar landscape in front of my house was periodically illuminated by a flash of lightning. I did my business and went back inside. I turned off the light but then got startled when I bumped the door and it creaked a bit. I calmed myself down and reminded myself that a side-effect of the malaria medicine is anxiety, which I notice most in the middle of the night.

After one year of being in site, I now consider this my home. I'm use to my house and being alone and dealing with the bugs and the dirt. But having been away from site for a while makes it feel alien again, almost like I just came to Mozambique. The “model” peace corps volunteer is happy to return to site, and although I am, in the big picture, personally, it doesn't feel quite right to wake up anywhere in Mozambique.